Just Remember to Breathe

My little princess turned 4 months old today. I had mentally planned out an entire blog entry to recap, highlight and share her little life's journey so far. All this complete with photos of my little cutie patooey.

Unfortunately, as with many mums with a new baby, life got in the way. I woke up with a pounding headache and as the day progressed Esmerelda got really fussy and cranky. Nothing but being held and having a cool teething ring to gnaw on soothed her. All attempts to lay her down so I could take a quick bathroom break, or grab a quick few minutes to heat up something to eat, or laying her down to change her diapers were met with ear piercing screams. These screams went on and off all afternoon and well into the night. I often wonder if my neighbours have gotten tired of her screams and are starting to blacklist me as a neighbour from hell. Worse, what if they thought that I was abusing or torturing my little girl and contemplated calling social services on me.

I had to constantly remind myself to breathe as Esmerelda struggled and fought me as I tried to change her diapers all the while screaming her head off till her face was turning red. It's not her fault. Nope not at all. She was feeling really crappy because her gums were bugging her and the only way she could communicate to me that she was in pain. I tried all ways and means to comfort her. I bounced her in my lap. Made goofy faces to try to make her laugh. Read to her, which always calms her down. Watched Sesame Street and sing her favourite songs to her. She would calm down, smile, and laugh for a brief moment before scrunching up her face and scream again.

Personally, nothing hurts me more than when I am unable comfort and soothe my little girl. She was not able to settle down for the night so I resorted to giving her a dose of infant tylenol a couple of hours ago so that she could get some relief from the pain. I held her while reading one of her favourite books and I noticed she was a little bit more calm than she had been all day. I fed her after we had read the book twice and she slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms. I waited a while more before I put her down on the bed and she has been asleep ever since. 

SIGH.

It has been a rough day. 

Though, tomorrow is a new day and it can only be a better day.

Ezzy's First Video Clip

Was working out to Shaun T (trying to lose weight or at least not to gain) when Ezzy woke up when there was less than 10 minutes left to the routine. I started working out in front of her and she was smiling and chuckling away. Seeing this, I picked up my point and shoot camera and decided to document Ezzy's reaction. Well, instead of looking at me she was definitely more interested in what was going on on TV. *grin*

I know the video could have been better put together but I wanted to get this out and Ezzy has been really fussy all day long. Will do better in future short clips.

Bathroom Time is my Thinking Time

The things I think about while sitting on the john. Maybe it is because time in the bathroom is the only time I have some me time to myself or maybe my mummy brain works in very funny ways. Anyways, here's what jumped into my mind the other night. I have an image of a lady I would hope and like Ezzy to grow up to be, however, who am I kidding??! Of course she is going to grow up to be someone she wants to be and it will most certainly be a big opposite of what I had hoped for. At this point, I got annoyed at the future grown up Ezzy before smacking myself mentally as I was in future Ezzy's position. I had my own ideas of how I would like to be as a person which clashed a lot with what my dad had expected of me.

Even though Ezzy is only 15 weeks old, I'm already struggling with my own expectations of her with the need to give her the freedom to be who she wants to be .... provided she is a sensible and responsible human being with high levels of common sense. See what just happened there? I remind myself that she will be her own person and I want to enable her to make her own choices, but then I go and add a clause to how she can and should go about making those choices. It's giving her freedom within certain limitations.

Am I the only parent out there that is trying to grasp the concept of encouraging your child to be whoever they want to be and secretly hoping that they will listen to what you want them to be? Am i the only parent who battles with trying to strike a harmonious balance of being a parent (setting limitations) and allowing your child to be who they want to be?

Don't get me wrong. I want her to be happy. Though, I'm definitely going to be one big emotional wreck when she starts to learn how to talk and will be able to express her feelings and thoughts. 

So... erm... Are my thoughts making sense to you or are these thoughts only making sense to me in my confused, babbling mummy mind...?